How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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