I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
