Having a random hookup so left but love u
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
