oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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