Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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