I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
