look no pants
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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