We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
