My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Randomize
