why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
