Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
