Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
My pussy is not your playground.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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