So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
