bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I have fence marks all over my body
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
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