I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
