can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
