let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
