dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
