My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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