I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
