if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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