things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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