He is an equal opportunity slut.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
