I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
We're too hungover to prance.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
