I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
