these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
