to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
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