just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
