I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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