can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
