Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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