we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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