i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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