I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
