Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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