You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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