The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
