So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
