I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
