highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
