you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
