i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
