how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Randomize
