As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
