I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
