Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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