If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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