It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
