Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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