I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
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