No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Randomize
