I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
