why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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