I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize