No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I don't deserve a penis
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
