Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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