Kareoke will never be a sober sport
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
