I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize