Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
