There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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