Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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