I just saw a hot homeless man
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
